Rahayu Wulandari Ibrahimelya

 No one can promise they'll never hurt you because at one time or another, it will happen. The real promise is if the time you spend together will be worth the pain in the end. The worst feeling in the world is knowing you've been used and lied to. Frustrated because I can't tell if it's real. Mad because I don't know how you feel. Upset because we can't make it right. Sad because I'm hurt. Angry because you disappointed me. Aggravated because you don't understand. Disappointed because we can't be together. Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone. I don't know which is worse, being the one with the broken heart or being the person that breaks the hearts. It's not that we aren't meant to be together, I think that we're just not ready for forever. You always have an out.

An exit strategy to make sure you don't get hurt. You always walk always. You walk away before they can walk away from you.
Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I dont have. There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime. Somehow I know we'll meet again, not quite sure where and not sure when, your in my heart so until then good-bye.
 Broken heart again. Another lesson learned. Better know your friends. Or you will get burned. This time it's over I'm keeping my heart, I'm gonna be strong and not fall apart... it'll get better, I'll no longer cry... in a couple of weeks I won't want to die, I won't want to go back. I'll be able to sleep, it won't hurt

so bad and it won't hurt so deep! I would like to thank you, for showing me a part of myself that I have never seen. Yeah we were young and dumb, but it still was fun and I guess these things just tend to fall apart and I hope you feel the same. Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow. we must fail in order to know. Sometimes our vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears.

I cried today, not because I miss you or even wanted you but because I realized I'm gonna be all right without you. I wish he meant it when he kissed me cause then I could look back and see someone who loved me but I can only go back and see someone who used me. You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes? Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me. So... from now on... when you think of me... just remember that I could've been the best thing you ever had. Why did I break up with him? Well ,it's like, once I sat down and looked at the situation, all the pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn't a puzzle anymore. None of the pieces fit together.And even if I tried really hard, the pieces, well they were two different puzzles. That's why I did it, he needs to understand that. You hurt me more then I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more then you deserve, why am I such a fool? You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... everything is. You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore.I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped. I think its time I let you go... and that is hard to do because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. While I was holding on all you did was let go at times. Sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way. I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have. The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone's heart. Including your own. Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found.Of course, you're going to get your heart broken. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again. 

Akhir-akhir ini aku sering banget ngurung diri dikamar. Sebenernya bukan ngurung diri sih, aku cuma ngerasa nyaman aja kalo dikamar. Kemarin aku ngeliat video gila-gilaan buatan temen kuliah kakakku. Kebanyakan aku juga kenal sih siapa orang-orang yang ada di video itu. Mulai dari joget-joget gak jelas, lypsinc sampe ada accident terpeleset gitu, wkwkww~
Saking lucunya, aku sampe berulang kali ngeliat video itu. Bener-bener ngehibur aku banget disaat aku lagi kesepian gini.
Bolak-balik aku klik 'play' di laptop, dan sumpah deh aku bener-bener gak bosen ngeliatnya. Lucu abisss dahhhhhh
Waktu siang bolong hari sabtu kemarin aku buka laptop lagi buat ngeliat video super gila itu.
Kakak ku tiba-tiba datang, trus bilang gini,
'' gak bosen liat video itu mulu? ''
'' ya gak bosen dong. Kan ada kak ***** ''
Ajigilleee, aku keceplosan. Emang sih, di video itu ada cowok. Dia temen kuliah kakak aku, menurut aku dia lucu banget orangnya. The other words, I like him :)

Singkat cerita, ibu ku yang orangnya super duper peka langsung nyuruh kakakku buat manggil cowok itu kerumah. Etdah, kaget banget
Sekitar hampir 2 jam kami kenalan trus ngobrol-ngobrol. Sebenernya aku udah tau sih siapa namanya dia, tapi aku belum pernah on face with him.
Aku bisa ngerasain dari cara dia ngobrol ke aku, dia orangnya easy banget. Seru kayaknya :)
Karena dia, aku ngerasa hari-hariku hidup lagi. Thanks yaa ({})
Dan ini juga sebagai langkah move on setelah move on pertama yang gagal:(

You know?
Pas malemnya dia sms aku, bla-bla-blaa :))
I'm so happy but I'm afraid to hope -,-

Well, aku gak bisa tinggal diam gini aja. Aku capek kalo harus nangis terus karena ngingat yang itu-itu juga. Buang-buang waktu memang, toh gak ada baiknya. Yang ada malah bikin hati galau mulu
Tanggal 10 Desember, kakak ku ngenalin aku dengan teman kuliahnya.
Dengan tujuan, supaya aku gak kesepian lagi. Aku pikir, iya juga sih. Dilain sisi aku gunakan itu sebagai cara untuk move on.
Tukeran nomer hp, dan kami mulai smsan. Namanya mr.D.
Seminggu pertama kami udah mulai deket, ngerasa nyambung tiap kali diajak ngobrol.
Dan secara kebetulan atau enggak, masalah yang sedang kami hadapi sama percis. Iya, dia ternyata juga ditinggal ngilang gitu aja oleh pacarnya. Sama kayak aku :(
Mulai deh, kami ngebahas dan curhat satu sama lain. Dia orangnya asik, lucu pokoknya karena dia hari-hariku yang dulu sempat kelam mulai cerah lagi. Aku gak ngerasa kesepian,galau atau apalah namanya.
Tepat dimalam minggu, seperti biasa aku cuma tiduran dikamar,dengerin musik sambil ngelanjutin nulis novel. Tiba-tiba mr.D call me, aku angkat. Kami bicara ini-itu banyak banget. Mulai dari hal bego,hal sepele,masalah kuliah,cerita zaman dulu dan masih banyak lagi lainnya.
Pas lagi asyik telfonan, dia minta izin bentar ke aku untuk ngebales sms yg masuk ke hp nya. Oke, no problem.
But, after that he says '' Lan, sorry ya ntar sambung telfon lagi. Pacar ku lagi sakit nih ''
What? pacar? Bukannya pacarnya udah ninggalin dia dengan menghilang gitu aja? Dan kenapa juga dia masih nganggap kalo itu pacarnya?
Dengan lumayan kesel, aku nyoba buat ngertiin dia. Entahlah, aku harus gimana saat itu
Sedih karena dicuekin dia atau harus turur bahagia karena pacarnya kembali lagi buat dia?
2 hari setelah itu kami lost contact, I think he's so busy with his gf.
Aku ngalah, mulai saat itu aku janji untuk gak menghubungi  mr.D. Takut ganggu hubungan mereka, itu alasan utama ku.
Esok harinya dia menghubungi aku. Nanya kabar, ini-itu, dan respon ku saat itu so flat !!
Hingga sampai detik ini aku dan dia gak ada komunikasi lagi. Biar aja deh dia bahagia atas kembalinya pacarnya.

Hari-hariku yang dulu mulai cerah perlahan meredup. Padahal aku pikir, karena hadirnya dia dihidupku saat itu, semuanya akan berubah. Iya berubah cuma sesaat doang.

Move On I is FAILED !!

Boy..

You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back. My heart was taken by you... broken by you... and now it is in pieces because of you. 

Love is like falling down in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why. 
A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried, neither would a million tears, I know I've cried. 

Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet. 


Sometimes the memories are worth the pain. Sometime you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye. For a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone. We are afraid to care to much, for fear that the other person does not care at all. People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go. I made a choice to finally let go, because I can't stand the pain, it's time for my last tear to fall and smile again.